lost} ollie

[Kira]

The young man standing in the courtyard was lost. He wasn’t lost in the conventional way, his posture didn’t indicate the unease of one who is unsure of where they stand. He was lost in the tenuous connection between reality and the void, and the way he held himself seemed weathered and apprehensive. His deep, brown eyes watched the world around him but saw nothing. His gaze was set upon something far off and unseen, something vaguely dark and menacing. The shadows etched beneath his eyes cast a grim tint to his countenance.

Eli blinked against the breeze rushing around him. Fatigue seeped into his bones and settled over him like a blanket, making him shiver. He felt like he hadn’t slept in days. There had been moments where he had fallen into unconsciousness, of that he was sure, but all he could remember from those moments that should have been restful were the nightmares. They were startling and confused nightmares; image after image flitting across his vision, each more horrible than the last.

Shaking his head, Eli pushed thoughts of his nightly terrors out of his mind. That wasn’t what mattered at the present moment. He had invited Odette to meet him and a small shard of his being was telling him she wasn’t going to appear. It was odd, that such a minuscule, pessimistic part of him could make him worry so much. He didn’t used to be like that, it was only a few months before that Eli would have scoffed at worriers and their worries alike. What a different person he had been, so much more outgoing and confident.

Now, he found himself shying away from people and loud places. Even the harmless yells of a marketplace set him on edge, reminding him of battle cries and groaned last words. Eli blanched at his thoughts and pressed his fingers into his temples. He tried to remind himself of before, tried to remind himself of Odette. The barest of smiles graced his lips for a split-second. More of a ghost of an expression than an actual smile. He had thought of her when the world around him had grown dark and threatening and created a part of his mind that was separate from all the surrounding chaos.

That part had centered around his happier memories, and many of them had contained her. Yes, they had not always gotten along, but now he even cherished their arguments. Eli longed to see her again, and forget about all that had happened while he had been away. He just wanted to see her smile.

N O T E - it’s so short. i’m sorry. D: i think i just needed to start this though, and then it’ll get longer and better as things go on. poor eli, he’s such a tragedy.

[ollie]

when they’d told her eli was here, to see her no less, odette had laughed. “it isn’t funny. you shouldn’t do such a thing; that’s horrible to say.” she’d said. she still had the glow from berlus, the feeling of utter ease, and she looked up at the servant. they were silent, looking at her seriously. she was only in her robe, and she blinked when she realized they were absolutely serious. “he’s here? eli is here?” she’d asked, excitement edging into her voice. now they nodded vigorously, and she leapt to her feet, going to her wardrobe. “tell him i’ll be there!” she exclaimed, excited, and paused to turn and look back at the servant before they left. “where is he, again?” once informed it was the courtyard, she went straight to dressing. one of her loveliest dresses; a favorite of his, a pale blue affair that hugged her torso and belled out elegantly, the skirt a sweeping addition that wasn’t pushed up by any wire. her arms were bare, given the fact that it was sleeveless, and she took a shawl to match it, pausing to realize it had been a gift from him. she moved it through her hands, smoothing the silk material, studying the silver and blue creation. it settled around her smooth shoulders easily, seeming at home again, and she realized the only reason she’d stopped wearing it was because she only wanted to wear it for him to see her toting around the beautiful gift.

pulling on her slippers and doing her hair, pinning the top half in a bun with a golden comb he’d given her for one of her birthdays, and swiping a pink rouge on her cheeks, and a matching paint to her lips, she paused to look at herself in the mirror. eli’s home. and i’m engaged. her heart sank—while they hadn’t had the healthiest relationship, those moments when he had made her laugh, when they’d smiled and known they loved each other… it shaped the whole reason why she’d never called off the betrothal. they’d always known they’d marry, but fortunately for them, they’d always had times when everything was worth it. but now, it wasn’t worth it. it wasn’t worth her calling off berlus—and as she realized it, looking herself in the eye, she felt so horrible to go to eli. to go to him and pretend everything was the same, that he was coming back to war and marrying the woman he’d always known he would marry. that everything would work out as planned. tears stung her eyes, hatred for the unfairness in the world. hopefully, war had hardened eli. hopefully this wouldn’t sting as much as she expected it to. before any tears could come, she cleared her throat and swept any wetness from her eyes, raising her chin as she stared herself down in the mirror. “it will work itself out. it will.” she promised herself, hating that she knew she was probably lying through her teeth.

leaving her chamber, she began the walk to the courtyard. her mind was in a tizzy, buzzing around, and her servant finally caught up to her. “i told him!” she promised shrilly, and odette nodded. with a sweep of her hand, she indicated her to leave, and the girl did just so. odette didn’t want anyone else to be around—this was something private, both seeing him and telling him. if she would. she wasn’t sure what to do, not really: do it immediately or wait until he mentioned marriage. he probably would, knowing eli… if she knew the man that was there. she swallowed hard, forcing any negative thoughts from her mind, instead going to the courtyard with a muted mind. it was chattering on, though—she just tuned it all out. she could see the watchful stares as she went by; people most certainly knew he was home, and that he’d sent for her, from the look of it. she hated this, that people were always in her business just because she was a lady in the court, no less a notham. again, she stopped thinking about it consciously, leaving the stone to go out across the grass, to the courtyard. and there he was, her soldier home.

odette couldn’t help herself. while not always a composed lady of court, this time she was especially excited, unable to contain the smile on her face and the tears coming to her eyes. she remembered how horrible she’d felt, hearing that he hadn’t come home, that no one knew where he was. and here he was, unannounced but yet here, waiting for her and only her. she squealed with joy, running to him, throwing her arms around him the minute she reached him. the tears spilled, and she giggled happily, smiling a wide smile that held back no happiness. she was practically glowing. “my soldier’s home. your home. my god, i never thought i’d see you home.” she sobbed, pulling back and, without thinking, kissing him, arms wrapping around his neck. she pulled back within a short period of time, maybe part of a minute, and smiled up at him, so overjoyed to see his face. “where the hell were you? why would you not tell me you were alive, send someone—! i thought you were dead. dammit, we all thought you were dead. your parents were goddamned devastated, you bastard.” she laughed, wrapping her arms around his torso now. “i thought i’d never see you again. i thought they would never find you, alive or dead, and we would be left with that night, that horrendous night that you left…”

it had been such a raw memory she’d almost forgotten it intentionally. they’d yelled, fought like never before, her frustration of him going to war sending her in such a state they couldn’t agree on anything. the minute he’d become old enough, their families had agreed to send him to war, and there she lost the man she loved, no matter how difficultly. she swallowed hard, her smile faltering at the memory, and buried her face in his chest, breathing him in. “don’t ever leave again. never. i don’t care what happens, you will not leave the court.” she whispered, feeling horribly selfish. she was engaged. she was telling him to promise to never leave the court, and she would be doing just so, off to helios with the man she’d met in only a few days. the man that could very well be the father of a child that could very well be forming in her, coming together slowly and secretly. “i wish you’d never left.” and she did—then all of this trouble wouldn’t have happened, and she wouldn’t feel so guilty. maybe, she’d never realize what she had… but now that she did, she couldn’t have it again. how horrible life was.